the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
