my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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