how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Randomize
