You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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