She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Dicks are not precious.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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