I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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