How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The struggles of a small town man whore
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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