Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
