Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
