She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
