Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
