I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
