My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Sober January is a disaster.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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