I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
