I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
