I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
