I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Sorry about my life...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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