Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
