how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
