I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
