Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
