yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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