My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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