New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
