Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
