The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Less talking, more tequila
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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