I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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