so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
