How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
