It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
