Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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