similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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