I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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