it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
