did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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