apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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