I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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