all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
