The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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