I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That accounts for only three of the penises
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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