So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
