This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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