Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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