Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
