Cold hands, warm shart.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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