i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
