the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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