1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
