Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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