U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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