I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
