so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
