As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
