On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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