sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
