Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
