so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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