Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize