she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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