i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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