Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
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in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
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It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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