Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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