tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
