I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
