i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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