there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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