she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
