I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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