what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
