My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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