i just wanna soil my oats bro
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
