What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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