we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
