In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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