I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.