Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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