Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This can only be settled by a dance off.