You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
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I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
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I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.