Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
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He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
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Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?