Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
NoShamevember. You game?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
