we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
