ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
